ok, should start feeling better. or else all would be lost. anyway, i can't remember what i did today.. see how screwed-up i am?.. yeah, oh yah... went school early morning for "training".. like 4 of us there.. me, ren cong, zhafri, liu hao.. ended up doing some crap before going off for lunch and crap talk at ghim moh.. sheesh. bball better start getting better... now, i have extra motivation to train harder.. if you get what i mean... grand plan.

I've been trying to numb myself by doing other stuff, like work, but it doesn't work.. just end up screwing both... my mind's really full.. of someone.. at least she knows.. well, miracles do happen =)

It tough when your life revolves around a person.

It surely can't be a good sign if you drop tears two days in a row.. damn, need to pull myself together..
But how to, when it's shi jie mo ri... just shows it'll be a tough fight to get through this, if i ever can...
Never thought it'll turn out like this, maybe i was being naive.. hate to think so.. it hurts so bad
I really dunnoe wat will help.. who can help me.. really shit.. the bad thing is that she seems like it doesn't matter.. sorry, but i was made to feel this way.. sorry.. get a grip, life goes on.. or ends...

It isn't a nice feeling when you cry.

I really should just forget her.. but...

It hurts me real bad.. couldn't sleep last night.. She's still hurting me.. I know i'll be hurt, but i can't help reading it again and again.
There was a short period today when i thought i felt better.. then saw that i was just deceiving myself...

I really dunnoe wat to say... feeling pretty fucked-up... damn.. really hate myself being so weak. it just sux. these two days have been pure shit for me. like today in school, was in a daze the whole day.. everyone thought i had gone crazy.. maybe i have.. damn, why does it have to be this way? Should get a grip on my life, but it's impossible with my mind so screwed-up now.. damn, i really don't know what to make of the situation... i just can't let go.. i'm sorry, i just can't put it down.. probably should apologise to myself instead.. No words can describe what i'm feeling now.

I think i understand more now.. you've been together for long liao.. won't be right for me to do anything stupid, but i'm sorry... better try to back out quietly before hurting myself and her anymore.. now just glad she din say "fuck off".. should have known she would be attached.. damn, i always see ppl who like someone who is attached and say poor guy.. now, who's the shit here? fuck, why am i being tortured... pls, help me... i'm close to feeling dying. i will need lots of time to get over this, if i ever get over it.. it has really scarred me... being tortured by love.. it has really hurt me real bad.

Superman

"I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me."

I feel like i've dropped into some shit hole... falling and can't see an end.. can't see how i'll recover...
Nothing seems to mean much to me anymore.. but i've promised myself never to feel suicidal.. But i'll still die...
Ok, i'll wait, tho i know i'll be hurt... i can't forget easily... so i won't... i love you

Damn, have a hole in the back of my right front tooth... shit.. was eating oranges after dinner.. then spitted out something hard.. i was like what's a stone doing in oranges.. then i felt this hole in my tooth.. bloody shit.. Anyway, spent the day at home.. only went out for lunch.. did compre finally, cuz due tomolo.. that's all, not much work done... nothing much to say.. still feeling hmmm..

Finally had the guts.. feeling better now.. let's let nature take it's own course. =)
It'll be fine..
relieved. glad. good.

I think i really screwed up my bio test today... din't know how to do three quarters of the test, so will be very very surprised to pass... if can get 20 out of 45... damn, i feel dumb.. then wanted to stay back to play bball, but no one seemed to be around... so went han's house to get my floorball stick.. finally. looking forward to playing with my old classmates... guess it's like a long term thing, like we'll continue to play after schooling days and stuff.. so must have fun.. it's important... slacked at his place till 4+, had a nice talk..
really took a well-deserved break today.. been slacking around the whole night.. feels good, though i know i'll have to pia tomolo to finish my homework, lots of things to complete.. undone tutorials. might stay home the whole day tomolo.. can spend time with family, which i recently realised is very important.. haha

What's so hard?

Woohoo, in a good mood.. had a great day in school today... and training helped.. discovered i was actually quite good.. ha, anyway.. just feeling good.. and it's a nice feeling.. haven't in a long time.. will try my best for tomolo's bio test.. must pass... arrrgh, damn.

Just came home from school and training.. just had my dinner... will be attempting to get some bio into head later, or now..

I hate the feeling of the situation slipping out of my fingers.. How i wish i could turn time back a month when things were higher..
wait...

Cut my hair today.. against my wishes... wanted to leave till june hols.. so by then my hair would be really long.. haha. But, had to give lee chee keong face lah.. he's a nice guy odn want to piss him off... screw carlyn lee, she should just go die.. give us white slip for supposedly long hair.. damn. I've been collecting white slips these days.. think i got one last fri for eating in library, one for my hair, and one more from ms chia for undone tutorial.. she went crazy today, gave half the class white slip for not doing her work.. how stupid.
Think i give up on bio test liao.. only enzymes read through..still got membranes, transport, microscopy and cell bio, the killer. it's impossible lah.. damn, hate myself for doing this. will try do better next time. then, suddenly got training tomorrow.. crap lah, if i miss, will leave bad impression... if go, will screw up bio test.. shit.. think i'll go for a compromise, skip half the training... bad.

Fuck, feeling a different kind of screwed-up today... despite knowing that i have a test tomolo, still was out for practically the whole day wit my parents... but considering it's mother's day, it's ok.. i'm just lying to myself that that is a valid excuse to not study for chem...
Anyway, went to toa payoh for lunch.. really like that place although like almost half the stalls are forever closed. just like eating there.. yeah, was really bloated after that.. kept ordering more food.. damn..but had a great time... ha.. then went some family friend's place to get some stuff.. ended up with them inviting my family for dinner at marina... arrgh, thot about not going, but went in the end.. got bloated again.. couldn't give a shit bout chem liao... juz got home not too long ago.. still feeling helpless bout chem tomolo.. it's okay, it's only a test.. go enjoy other stuff...
can't believe i'm still sitting here... will try get something done before i sleep later.. but will it be any use... arrgh...

felt better today, maybe cuz it's mother's day.. but things could get better. =)